Friday, August 20, 2010

Visitors

Wow...This has been one heck of a month. Well, it still is August but I feel a sense of normality today...I'm hoping things are getting back on track :)
Zoë's dad has been in from South Korea this month and her half sister has been in from Kansas this week. Her sister left early this morning to head back home and tomorrow morning Zoë's dad goes back to Korea until October of next year. He will then be visiting for about a week then probably heading out to Afghanistan then. She exchanged farewells last night.

It is nice for her sister to be here and for them to spend time together. They have so much fun together, it breaks my heart to see her go. Her dad....It's a mixture of feelings.... He expressed some feelings and made some apologies, which surprised me. But..some things will never change. He left Zoë with broken promises, he seen her for a few hours for about 4-5 random days throughout his month long stay. She is older now so she remembers the promises, the promises of trips to the aquarium, the movies, promises of new ds games of her favorite charterers..being left with none of the plans or promises full filled and small time spent together. Zoë and I spent lots of time waiting, waiting for unaccomplished arrivals...her...never giving up, waiting so patiently until finally I think she forgot what she was even waiting on. I wish that was what it was but I seen the pain in her eyes..... It breaks my heart. I never speak poorly of her father in front of her. Of course I vent to family and friends so I won't blow up in front of her....but...I suppose the best thing to do is let her find out on her own. I'm not exactly sure why he sees her. Maybe it is a love that I can't recognize because my way of showing my love for her is so different. I loved him at one point in my life when I was very young, but I grew up..I moved on.....I changed....He is still back there in those young, days....blowing in the wind, no responsibilities, no cares.....selfish.....He hasn't met that point in his that I feel like I have....Ah, I'm babbling.....But yesterday before he dropped Zoë off for the last time, I sat outside contemplating, thinking, looking forward to a fresh new morning the following day, looking forward to a steady sleep and eating schedule for Zoë (Those of you with kids know how important it is for children to have schedules), looking forward to work.....working worry free.....loving it, enjoying it....While I was outside thinking I had a visit from a butterfly....she landed right on me....

My little visitor made me realize a bit about life and my current situation. Those visitors are here for a short time, then they leave....life does continue...it returns to what we remembered before...and as much as things can hurt for a moment....we move on.....He returns to his life and we are back living ours....What can I do to fix things? Live now...fly...soar....live....

Right before he pulled up, I had one more winged visitor....A dragonfly....

It reminded me that we are all different....And that is okay....He makes his own choices and I make my my own. I can't change his mind.... I know that our future reflects on the choices we make...Which means, I look forward to a happy life with my daughter....To watch her grow, learn, live, smile, belly laughs.... That brings me peace from all of this.....Because I'm not missing out...I'm blessed....

And of course..... Jewelry news...I hope to make a few things possibly tonight. I do have a few custom orders, one of which is local.... Her idea in the process of becoming a ring...

The symbol in the design is the Pisces symbol and the threes that are incorporated into the deign represent her birth 3/3...And of course being a water sign she chose this lovely stone above....Agate druzy with aquas and greens and a sparkly water like crystallized center :) I'll keep you posted on the process, I am excited about this baby ;)
So..possibly a small shop update soon.....and waiting on more supplies to complete some unfinished ideas....

xoxo

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